你接受改变,大家就接受你

http://www.thewisdom.com.tw/archives/905?variant=zh-hans
心光网 / 心光网编辑部    出版社/大是文化    作者/爱丽安.德.波瓦詹

你得先了解什么原因造成你的抗拒,才能接受生命中的改变。当改变发生时,一定会出现恐惧、责怪、没耐心、内疚、怀疑、羞愧等情绪,就是这些情绪让我们抗拒改变,但重要的是,我们要不被这些感受所困住。

遭逢改变时,羞愧会让人非常难以接受新事实,因为你只忙着担心别人对你的看法。如果你没上大学、不孕、失业、罹患癌症,很可能你会感到羞愧,觉得别人会对你指指点点、父母会失望、同事将差别待遇等。在意别人对自己的看法,每个人都是这样,但是,如果你想走出来,第一步就是接受改变、并且以此改变为荣〈也就是不忌讳提起〉。

改变令你感到痛苦时,解药其实很简单:要回自己的主导权。请大胆一点,你才是唯一知道什么事物最适合自己。社会的价值观可能是,不婚生子是不正常的、同性恋是不正常的…..。那么,取消婚约正常吗?因为不开心而放弃高薪工作正常吗?什么才算正常?自己才是那个有权决定的人。谁说离婚就不算是件好事?如果嫁错人,对方让你感觉不快乐以及缺乏安全感,那么离婚就是好事。

你愈有自信接受改变,身边的人就愈能接受你,以及你的决定。

除了困难的改变让人难以接受外,正面的改变也会令人却步、引发焦虑。好事发生时,我们可能害怕不会持久、害怕自己配不上,或是害怕自己无法承担随之而来的责任,或是因为事情来得太突然而惊喜到无法承受。不过最常见的感觉是,我们会觉得自己无力掌控这件好事,或是无力掌控别人现在对我们的看法。

正面改变通常也会带走某些东西,因此可能产生一些空虚感;此外,正面改变通常也需要很努力,所以有些人迟迟不敢追求让人生更美好的改变。例如我们可能很想减肥,却什么事也没做,因为怕就算减肥成功,又会三两下就破功,体重又飙上去;突然赚大钱会害怕朋友眼红;停止忧愁会害怕失去别人的支持鼓励;生了小孩就会担心如何当个好父母、得做些什么牺牲。

所以,其实我们也会破坏、抗拒正面改变,宁愿躲在原有的固定模式和熟悉状态里,至少在那里我们知道怎么适应。我们要学会对自己仁慈、温和一点,过度鞭策自己只会适得其反。请问问自己:「我容许这个改变发生吗?因为我值得。」

本文撷取自: 心光网编辑部   你要的幸福,藏在你不要的改变里:我该如何找出来、过得更好? 出版社/大是文化   作者/爱丽安.德.波瓦詹

原文网址:http://lightweb.uho.com.tw/articles3/96/1592.html

 



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